There is no marriage on our physical earth that is absolutely perfect and devoid of conflicts. No human being is infallible and so mistakes are bound to exist in one way of the other especially among two people from different cultural and social background. Most marriage conflicts could be resolved amicably by couples while some cannot be reconciled inspite of efforts to salvage it through relationship thereapy, couples workshop, and attempts to resolve the relationship by partners. Conflicts that could not be reconciled often lead to separation and eventually divorce.
Divorce is usually not a step that is taken suddenly. It is often the last resort or aftermath of marital conflicts, infidelity and sometimes separation. Although in this part of the world, the numbers of marriages may still out number divorces as compared to the advanced socities where marriage is on the way to becoming a failed institution with the alarming rate of separation, divorces and out-of-wedlock births.
Marriage has been identified as the panacea for social problems, therefore the focus should be prevention rather than cure. According to Ooms (2002) and and Offner (2001) the tush administration committed the sum of $300 million to promoting healthy marriages. In the view of Goetting (1990) psychologist and many liberals assert that this reformative act could have negative psychological effects on single mothers and children who happen to find themselves in single-parent families.
There is the need to work towards ensuring that the high level of divorce cases and its attendant effects on the society at large and more importantly on the children is reduced. Researches has shown that children who grow up living in an intact household with both biological parents do better on a wide range of social indications than children who grow up in a single-parent household (Melanahan and Sand efur, (1964). The principal cause of welfare dependency and a host of other social problems has been identified as divorce and out-of wedlock births (Ooms 2002).
Therefore, the common saying “that preventions is better than a pound of cure” is very much relevant here. Societal peace could easily be attained if we make endeavour to prevent problems from arising than attempting to solve them once they are fully grown.
Separation: Before a couple seeks divorce, separation usually takes place. Separation could be legal or non-legal. Legal separation is a court action by which couples remain married but live apart. In legal separation, the decision to live apart is taken in the court. Legal separation is identifies to a divorce action, except that the parties remain married. A court order establishes terms for the separation.
A legal separation decree, determines support and custody of children, visitation, alimony, the division of property and debts. A legal, separation is not required before obtaining a divorce.
Separation is voluntary most of the time, but there are instances where desertion occurs. Desertion is when a spouse leaves and never intends to return to the relationship. Constructive desertion is when your spouse forces you to leave the relationship, such as in abuse cases. In this instance, the court will not hold you accountable for desertion because it divide up will acknowledge the act was as a necessity for personal safety or the safety of children involve in the marriage. Separation is intended to give both spouses the opportunity personal property and figure out who will live in the marital residence, When children are involved in a divorce settlement, the separation period is when parents choose where they will live. In some cases, a divorce settlement never emerges out of a separation because both parties are able to resolve their issues. Perhaps this is why the courts often require a separation period as a way to show couples all that is involved when dividing up two lives.
Divorce: To be granted a divorce, separation is required first by most people. Many divorced laws require you to be separated from your spouse for a specific period of time before beginning divorce proceeding.
Divorce is the legal termination of a marriage. It can be granted on “fault” or “non-fault” grounds. A fault divorce is based on proof that the marriage broke down as a result of extreme cruelty, adultery or other specific fault grounds.
In non-fault divorce, the divorce is based on irreconcilable differences, which have caused the irremediable breakdown of a marriage. That means that the parties cannot get along and cannot reconcile. Most people grow up believing that marriage is forever. Then one day you realize that your spouse no longer wants to be with you. Your soul mate, the ne you thought was forever has decided he/she is not happy any more or, maybe you both have come to a mutual agreement. It is usually an unfortunate situation. No matter what or how the decision was made, the fact is you need to get your ducks in a row and find out now what your next move will be now that you are about to divorce.
CAUSES OF DIVORCE
The original intension of couples is not to marry and divorce. Rather marriage relationship is some times unpredictable because of human nature. Torns and Turbulence that occurs in marriage could change a lovely and peaceful home. Akinade (2005) asserts that research findings have generated hundreds of articles and book which provide overwhelming amount of data suggested that the reasons people divorce could be summarized under the following broad headings.
1.) Lack of Communication
Communication break down is the major reason for divorce. Some couples build good communication skills, while others communication, problem solving and intimacy skills in a relationship. Some couples who suffer psychological problems in their families, exhibit dysfunctional and maladaptive behaviour in marriage. They may not have learnt proper communication skills which now stands against them. Effective communication is often used by couples to settle some family conflicts instead of withdrawing during conflicts. It would rather set greater likelihood of continued conflict and allows other issue to come up in next argument.
2.) Sexual Unfaithfulness
Infidelity according to research findings is another important reason for divorce. There is nothing traumatic in a union than the feelings of dishonesty and infidelity. Once a partner becomes unfaithful the union is definitely bound to experience conflict which will later lead to divorce.
3.) Use of Alcohol or Drug
Alcohol or the use of drug substance tends to disrupt a relationship. Substance use is not a risk factor problem on its own. Rather, it ignites other problems that are present, such as violence or intense resentment Niolon (2005). Alcohol and substance use increase the stress and problems they cause. During this period of use, the couple experience avoidance of the user, which leads to less discussion of real problems and solutions. In addition, more hostility and anger in the couples conversations emerged which also leads to more disagreement and exaggeration of small problem into big issues. Alcohol or substance abuse usually leads to all forms of violence such as sexual, property, psychological, emotional and physical such that the abused become tired of the union and seeks divorce. According to Iruloh and Amadi (2008) drug or substance abuse leads to aggressiveness, which is the tendency to show hostility, dominance, quarrelsomeness and violence when relating with other people or in performance of a task. Drug abuses infuse this tendency in people and make them not to live in harmony with others. Stimulant drugs especially, have the potential of producing aggressions.
Depression is a psychological state marked by a sense of downcast, lack of interest, in things that previously evoked interest, poor concentration, and helplessness etc. Cummings and Daves (1984) state that in 30%, of couples experiencing relationship depress, one is actually suffering from significant clinical depression. When one partner is depressed, the depression becomes a problem for the entire family that is, the children and especially the other partner who tries to compensate for the partners depression but faces many new stresses. Living with a depressed, dejected and sad partner often gives one an emotional trauma. The functional partner could turn to anger at and rejection of the depressed partner. At this point, the functioning partner may begin to feel isolated like a single parent and see divorce as a normal thing not different from his/her current life.
5.) Sexual Incompatibility
If couples are sexually incompatible, it leads to divorce. Sexual dysfunction in a partner may constitute a big problem for the other partner. Sexual dysfunction like early and late ejaculation, orgasm difficulties, frigidity, weak erection or impotency etc could lead to divorce. Sexual abuse and unwanted sex also breeds problem to partners who are amorous, and those that desire sexual relations more frequent than the other could not make a stable home.
6.) Domestic Violence
Domestic Violence is common among co-habiting couples and couples with low standard of education. Education increases ones level or maturity, exposure and more knowledge about marriage relationship. According to Niolon (2005) domestic violence is as a result of unemployment and low socio-economic status in most heterosexual relationship. Studies have found early marriage to be associated with divorce. Healthy marriage relationship is often experienced among couples who are emotionally, financially and psychologically mature. Scott (1994) asserts that physical attacks are clearly much more common and severe among co-habiting couples than among those who are married.
Research founding points to the fact that couples who, co-habit are the most accepting of divorce because living in such a union undermines the legitimacy of formal marriage and so reduce commitment of marriage.
Hall and zhoa (1995). They have high separation and divorce rates. Lack of common purpose is a problem, they went deep into the relationship and living with each other without adequate communication about important things in marriage, like “are we going to work it out? What is going to be our future? What is going to be down the road? Etc. According to Johnson (1996) they don’t meant to be committed.
8.) Financial Collapse
There is a strong relationship between poverty and mental break-up. Couples with low-income are confronted with problems such as substance abuse, job loss, eviction and chronic infidelity coupled with having children with a chronic health condition like asthma or developmental delays or ones involved in criminal activities. Money is necessary to run and handle family issues. It takes love, understanding and strong commitment to handle and deal with these problems without chaos. Some couples cannot be faithful when there is financial crisis in a family.
9.) Age at Marriage
Billy and Moore, (1994) asserts that early age at marriage increase the chance of divorce. Couples who married at under age of eighteen are especially prone to divorce because they lack education or income to maintain a stable family life. In addition, such couples are poorly prepared for marital responsibilities and the skills necessary to resolve and handle economic crisis. As such they are always in conflict with each other. Glenn and Supanu (1984) said that the percentage of those divorced or legally separated who were 15-17 years of age or younger at the time of marriage was about three times the percentage of divorce or legally separated. Of these, there were those who were 24-26 years of age at the time of first marriage. Rice (1993) in his view said that age and level of maturity are important considerations in evaluating marriage disharmony. Some women that marry after 35years experience pregnancy related problems. This is because of the loss of blood and hemoglobin. It is not advisable for a 50year old man to marry a woman below 20years. The couple may not be compatible due to disparity in age and exposure. Some of such men do not like to give their children adequate training. Booth and Edwards (1985) observed that marriage disharmony and divorce was higher for men and women who married in their teens.
HOW TO PREVENT DIVORCE
To prevent divorce starts with initiating sexuality education programmes in schools and at home such that the young ones become fully equipped and prepared for the task of emotional commitment and marriage. Marriage is a sacred institution as such preventing divorce is largely in the hands of the couples. However, Akinade 2005 suggested ways of preventing divorce below:
- Communication and Communication is Problem solving Skills: needed to keep marriage relationship alive. It can only take place if couples are willing. When there is incomplete information, one tends to mind – read or to fell in the gaps. This leads to misunderstanding. Some couples build good communication skills, while others show poor communication, problem solving, and intimacy skills from the onset. To prevent marriage crisis couples that lack good communication skills should acquire new patterns of effective communication. We all have the right to make choice. Couples are free moral gents who have the right to choose not to be in an unhappy marriage or to live and suffer in silence. Amato, (1993) said that complex and/or abusive marriage can invariably shorten life by a number of years, in such cases, divorce may be the only answer that can promote a healthy life and prevent unnecessary aging.
- Marital Education: This refers to services that are provided to help couples who are married or planning to marry to strengthen their communication and problem solving skills in their relationships. Models range from those that adopt a skill based instructional approach and workshop approach, to those that use a therapeutic approach, which addresses the specific marital problems facing individual couples. Couples should be educated through public enlightenment services such as workshop, seminars, conferences and. of course through media publicities. Couples that lack necessary education required in marriage should be educated on the things involved in marriage institution and adjustment strategies. Therapeutic intervention on the other hand is more open-ended and involves group discussions, usually guided by trained professional to help partners identify and work through the marriage problems they are facing. One way of intervention is to put together at risk couples around the time of their child’s birth. This period is chosen because child birth is often an event that triggers substantial decline in marital satisfaction. Couples meet in a group with a trained therapist over a six-months period that begins before the child is born and continues for another three months after birth, Schultz and Cowan (2001).
- Pre-Marital and Marital Counselling: It is advised that couples should receive counslling services from a professional counsellor before engaging in marriage relationship. This will help them have better knowledge of what is involved in marriage union, the good and bad moments, to know better their spouse and adjustment and coping strategies. Visiting the counsellor before marriage is a better “divorce curative” method. The counselior is equipped with a wealth of experience and skills to help prevent divorce before it becomes a possibility or consideration instead of divorce care. The goals of a counsellor is to provide couples with the tools needed to keep their relationship healthy and strong so that divorce will not be invisaged. Rather than just impart information, a counsellor provides therapeutic involvement, which help couples to eliminate habits that destroy relationships and inculcate good habits that build healthy ones. The best time for action is before, not after or during crisis. However, if dissolution is the only answered to the marital difference and what is required is not help to restore the marriage, the counsellor’s help is still required to help get on the right road to divorce. In most cases, advice from well meaning friends and relations, further aggravate situation. A trained counsellor assist in dealing with the problems of divorce for the couples and the children.
THE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE
Divorce has a devastating impact on both couples and children. However, the impact lingers on the children. McLanahan and Sandefur (1994) for example assert that children from divorced homes are likely to drop out of school, become a teen parent, be arrested, and be unemployed. Divorce effectively cut one generation off from another. Children are reared without the presence of their father or mother. Children are often forced to take sides in the conflict. In such cases, the children often carry the scars of the conflict and frequently blame themselves for the divorce. The following present the effects of divorce on all concerned as reported by research finding.
Consequences on the Father
- Finances: The effects of finance on the divorced father could be positive or negative, depending on his income. The effect is usually negative when the divorced father generates little income but have to keep two homes. Having to support the children from the previous marriage and maintaining the new home.
- Denied Access: Some men are often denied access to their children after divorce especially those who could not support their children financially.
- Emotional Loss: For some men, they have a hard time accepting that the marriage is over, and when they finally do, they think the parent-child relationship is lost to them too. This rejection is very painful, as they become angry, bitter and resentful toward their ex-wife.
- Adjustment to Step-Family Life: Some divorced men usually found it difficult watching their children being raised by another father. They always feel they had little to do with their own children and are not welcomed in their former family and in their children’s lives.
Consequences on the Mother
- Stigmatization: Divorce is not usually an easy option for women, whether or not they initiate divorcé proceedings. This is because of the cultural milieu in which they operate and the effect on gender role stereotype, which gives the notion that single women (unmarried or divorced) is somehow a “failure or unfulfilled or frustrated: in the society. Thus, when a marriage breaks, the woman is faced with the problem of dealing with the feeling of guilt and or failure and the negative stigma attached to being a divorcee.
- Finance: Many women especially those who were not employed, actually become poorer after divorce, even in situation where alimonies are paid. Many have to support themselves as well as the children and as such have to work extra ordinarily to survive.
- Deficit Parenting: Mothers, according to many researchers such as McLanahan, & Sandeur (1994) and Amato (1994) perceive responsibilities and physical custody of the children far primary more often embroiled in continued conflict with their parenting ex-husbands over child support, visitation, and or unresolved marital issues. They tend to become less affectionate as well as emotionally rejecting toward their children in some ways (Cummings and Davies, 1994). This in turn results to behaviour problems in the children, the children often become dejected and withdrawn.
- Adjustment: Research have shown that mothers are often withdrawn and depressed after divorce. Although some adjust positively later while some end up in psychiatric hospitals or become depressed. Studies I have found maternal depressions to be positively associated with several behaviour problems for divorced mothers and children (Webster-Stratton, 2003).
CONSEQUENCES ON THE CHILDREN
Divorce is an intensely stressful experience for all children, regardless of age or developmental level. The pain experienced by children mostly at the beginning of a divorce, range from a sense of vulnerability, a grief reaction to the loss of the intact family, a feeling of intense anger to a strong feelings of powerlessness. Beside, research has shown that children from divorced families are known for the average worse off than children who lived in intact families. Children from divorced families have more difficulty in school, have more behaviour problems, more negative self-concepts, more problems with peers, and more trouble getting along with their parents (Amato 1993). The consequences according to them include the following:
- Parental Loss: Mothers and father are important resources for children. They provide emotional support and practical assistance as well as role models for their children. Amota further asserts that children who lose a parent due to death are somewhat similar to children of divorce. Parental absence has a negligible effect on the well being of children’s academics, behavioural problems, distress, and delinquency.
- Economic Losses: Due to limited economic resources children in single-parent families have more difficulties. It is very well documented that single parent families especially those headed by mothers have less income than most two parent families and there is a common belief that many of the difficulties experience by children are the result of the economic difficulties experienced in these families. Generally, family income is positively associated with children’s well-being.
- Life Stress: Amato further stated that the more stressful experiences that children encounter during divorce the more difficulty they will have. There is evidence that indicates that children whose parents divorce more than once are worse off than children who only experience one parental divorce.
- Parental Adjustment: The psychological adjustment of parents is a significant factor in children’s well being. There have been many studies examining the relationship between divorced parents’ psychological well-being and children’s well-being. A positive relationship was found between the mental health of parents and children and children’s mental health. That is, children whose parents are not adjusting well.
- Parent Competence: The skills that parents have in dealing with children have a profound influence on children’s well-being. Authoritative parents are able to provide structure for their children, but still remain flexible; they can allow, while still maintaining parental control over the situation. It has been stated that parents who displayed authoritative style are also more likely to show more active coping behaviours, feel more self-efficacy, and seek out to receive more social support. However, parents who are depressed are not competent and as such could not help their children deal with the trauma of divorce. There is overwhelming research evidence that indicates that parenting skills and the types of relationship between parent and child are strong influences on how well children are doing Hughes, (1996).
- Inter-Parental Conflict: Conflict between parents prior to, during and after the divorce contributes to children’s lower-well-being. There have been a numbers of studies examining this relationship. Generally, it has been found that children in high conflict families (either intact or divorced) are far worse than children in low conflict families. Some studies have found that children in non-conflict single parent families do better than children in conflict two parent families. There is also evidence that children begin to have difficulties prior to divorced and that some of these difficulties are associated with the conflict present prior to divorce. Post-divorce conflict has a strong influence on children’s adjustment. Children in those families that can cooperate and reduce conflict are faring better than other families.
STEPS IN REDUCING NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF DIVORCE ON CHILDREN
The following are some factors that can make the process of adjustment easier for member of divorced families:
1.) Adequate Financial Support: Divorcing families fare much better if they have adequate finances, which have less negative effects of divorce upon children. Non custodial fathers are therefore advised to pay the child’s support regularly and as at when due. Lack of money for trips, treats, and other amenities to which children may be accustomed can be a significant contributor to family quarrels and battering adding further to the accumulative effects of divorce on children.
2.) Adequate Parenting by the Custodial Parent: The custodial parent obviously plays a crucial role in the family’s adjustment to divorce in lessening the negative effects of divorce on children. If he or she can continue to respond in a warm, consistent, and authoritative manner, children are much less likely to experience serious problems and so greatly reducing the detrimental effects of divorce on children.
3.) Social Emotional Support From the Non-Custodial Parent: Children should be permitted to maintain close, affectionate ties with both parents to minimize the effects of divorce on the children. They should also be shielded from any continuing conflict between parents. One way of ensuring that children of divorce do not lose contact with a non-custodial parents is to seek joint physical custody and have children spend part of the time in each parent’s home so helping to prevent further harmful effects of divorce on children.
4.) Additional Social Support: Divorcing adults are often less depressed if they participate in support group or if they have relatives or loss confidants to whom they can turn so that the effects of divorce on children are better managed. Children can also benefit from the support they receive from close friends and from participating in peer support programs, in which they and other children of divorce are encouraged to share their feelings, correct their misconceptions, and learn positive coping skills.
5.) Minimizing Additional Stresses: Generally, families respond more positively to divorce if additional disruption are kept to a minimum. For example, if parents do not have to go through messy divorce trails and custody hearing, seek new job or residences or having to cope with the loss of their children. This could be done through divorce mediation meetings with a trained professional before the divorce. The counsellor will help divorcing parents to reach amicable agreements on disputes issues such as child custody and property settlements. Divorce mediation appear to be an effective intervention, which promotes better feelings between non-custodial father, and also will pay child support and remain involved in the lives of the children, thus minimizing the effects of divorce on them.
6.) Talk to the Children About the Divorce: Talking to children about a divorce may be a difficult task. However, telling the children especially together as family will help to assure the children that their mother and father will still be their parents and remain involve with them even though the marriage is ending and the parents won’t live together. Further, it is better that the children hear the truth from their parents in a planned way, rather than overhearing it later. Hearing it from other source(s) could make them come up with explanations for themselves, this becoming more distressed. Therefore, clear explanation to the children help keep them from blaming themselves for the divorce.
The following tips according to Hughes (1996) can help both the child and parents with the challenge and stress of this situation:
- Do not keep it a secret or wait until the last minute
- Tell your children or child together
- Keep thing simple and straight-forward
- Tell them the divorce is not their fault
- Admit that this will be sad and upsetting for everyone
- Reassure your children that you both still love them and will always be their parents.
- Do not discuss each other’s faults or problem with the children.
Positive adjustment to divorce would be achieved by the couples and their children through the firm support of their families, friends, relatives, the schools and the community. The aim is always to produce a post-divorce environment, which has less negative effects on the children and all concerned. Parents should be alert to signs of distress in their child or children. Young children may react to divorce by becoming more aggressive and uncooperative.
Emotional Effects of Divorce on Children
Most parents worry about the emotional effects of divorce on children. They may be worried enough to decide that divorce is not “the right thing to do” and try to save their marriage. They may recognize that divorce is inevitable but be plagued with concern about how it is affecting their children. It is important, then that parents have a clear idea of what exactly the psychological effects on their children may be. They can then make a sound decision about divorce and work throughout divorce to minimize or avoid them altogether. Before looking at the emotional effects of divorces on children remember:
- There are potential effects
- Some apply to certain age group more than others
- The likelihood and extent of these emotional effects depends on a number of factors, almost all of which are within your control.
So what are the emotional effects of divorce on children? Children may experience a wide range of emotions, some of which may be new and therefore doubly distressing.
Insecure and Afraid of the Future
The many and often unavoidable changes that accompany divorce can undermine a child’s sense of security and make them fearful of the future about “what’s next?” will we be poor, will we have enough to eat, will I have to go to a new school, will I lose my pet cat, will I still see my friends? In short, they will fret about all the things that are important in their world.
Fearful of Being Abandoned
From a child’s perspective, the unimaginable has happened – a parent is no longer at home. Children may be deeply afraid that the other parents is going to “disappear” too and leave them alone in the world.
Children of divorce may feel rejected and unloved by parent who has left. This makes little sense until we remember that children perceive themselves as the center of the universe. Therefore, everything that happens must have something to do with them.
For the same reason, children may believe the divorce is their fault, caused by something they said or did, or just the way they are, and feel a deep sense of guilt and shame. Even difficult teens may be afraid that their behaviour has contributed to the divorce and made it easier for a parent to leave.
Children who feel responsible for problems between parents tend to believe they can also fix things. They may go to great lengths to be a “better child” – a more helpful and appealing child – or believe they have the power to “wish their parents back together again, when this doesn’t happen – when their often elaborate plans and hopes for reconciliation fail – children feel powerless and upset that they cannot make a difference.
Torn in Two
The most damaging effect of divorce on children is the emotional trauma caused by parent who fight or belittle each other in front of their children. Children feel expected to take side but cannot do this without being disloyal to the other parent. However, by not taking sides they fear disapproval and rejection by both. They are trapped in a no-win situation where it is wrong to love both parents.
Children of divorce may feel a huge sense of loss and sadness, believing that the absent has gone forever and that they no longer have a family – a way of life is at an end. Their feelings mirror those of children who really have lost a parent forever, to accident or illness. However, they are often underestimated or overlooked so that children of do not receive the same kind of support. Unmanaged they can deepen into depression.
During divorce, children may feel stresses and under to do more than they can realistically cope with at a time that is already stressful enough. For instance, they may pressure volunteer to take on extra duties at home or be burdened with a responsibilities weather they like it or not. They may also be used as a confidante and advised by one or both parents, extra role that even teens are not qualified for or comfortable with. Eager to help out and seem “grown up” they may hide how stressed they really are.
Children of divorce may feel lonely. They may miss the intimacy, comfort and particular parenting skills of the absent parent. The parents at home may be so wrapped up in their own problems that they are not available to their children. Circumstances may have cut them off from their usual playmates. Children may seek intimacy and comfort elsewhere, or become withdrawn.
Angry is a common emotional effect of divorce cause by lack of understanding or acceptance of the divorce, specific events and changes, emotion that children do not always show their ranger. It is more common when divorce brings a low conflict marriage to an end because the reasons for the divorce are not so obvious. Children resent their parents for doing are to so obvious. Children resent their parents for doing something that in their view is unnecessary.
Depression is not a direct emotional effect of divorce but a “second stage” emotion following on from one or several emotions linked to divorce. For instance, sadness, loneliness, feeling rejected. Depression is a sign that children have not received the support they need to cope with these emotions.
COPING STRATEGIES FOR DIVORCE
Most people who have gone through a separation and divorce have felt the same way you do now, and most have ended up stronger than before. However, while you are going through the experience, you will need coping skills and emotional support. Here are some things you can do:
- Talk to someone you trust. Talking to family member or close friend can give you an outlet for your frustration and anger. Be careful not to burden your children with these feelings. Be sure you can trust the person to keep your secrets so that you can feel free to share your deepest concerns. You may find that a person who has been through a separation or divorce is the best one to offer support.
- Keep a familiar routine for yourself and your children. It is very important to have a sense of stability at a time of such major and painful change. This is especially important for your children: the more their world stays the same, the better they will be able to cope with the changes they will have to make.
- Keep the lines of communication open with your children. They need to know that they are not loosing the love and support of either parent, and that they are not responsible for your separation or divorce. Talk openly to them about your new living arrangement.
- Stay healthy. You may find yourself forgetting to eat regularly and staying up late worrying. This could lead to a loss of energy and illness at a time when you most need to be on top of things. Keep yourself in good health by eating regular meals and getting enough sleep. You should also try to get regular exercise.
- Learn some methods for coping with stress. There are many good books you can read on coping with stress, and you may also find some information on relaxation techniques helpful. Check with your local library and bookstore.
- Keep in mind the old saying. “one day at a time”. Deal with your separation and the unexpected problems and feelings it creates by asking yourself, “what do I need to do today?” try not to worry about things you cannot do anything about until next week or next month. When the time comes, deal with them just like the others-one day at a time.
- Avoid making major decisions until your life has become more settle. Some decisions have to be made quickly, such as housing and school arrangements or the children, and if you have not been working, getting a job. However, you can put off many decisions until “the dust has settled”. It may be best to give yourself some time before deciding on a career change, moving to another community, going back to school or getting involved with someone new.
- Allow yourself the time you need to heal. Your family and friends may encourage you to “cheer up” and get on with life” before you are ready. Generally, this happens because people who care about you feel distressed at seeing you unhappy. Although their concern is understandable, you must take whatever time you need to heal. Losing a marriage, no matter how difficult it may have been, still causes wounds, and you will need time to grieve. Give yourself quiet times alone in which you can think, cry or simply be by yourself.
- Get professional help when you need it. You will face many legal and emotional problems along with separation and divorce, and you will probably need professional help. For legal matter, seek the help of a lawyer. If you are experiencing severe emotional stress, your family doctor can help you find a counsellor. You may also find it helpful to talk to a member of the clergy of your religion. Make sure you use these services when you need them; ignore the desire to “tough it out” on your own.
How Divorce Can Affect Family Business
From all that we have seen above we can with no doubt agree to the fact that divorce can cause a lot of damages in a home, on the two partners who want to go through with the divorce and on their children as well. Bringing this down to the family business sector, divorce can affect the family business in the following ways:
Division among employees: The moment the news of the divorce between the bosses are made know to the workers, it is not usual of the workers to pick sides with who they like the most without even know the cause or reason why the bosses have decided to go through with a divorce, this could spark up some kind of enemity among the workers also.
Disrespect From Employees: in a case where the cause of a divorce is infidelity and the employees are well aware of this, it could make them begin to disrespect the employer who they think is to blame. They could begin to backbit and gossip about the couple in the work place
Sharing of properties: This is quite popular with divorce cases. Sharing of properties is something that some couples who are going their separate ways look forward to. If the family’s company is to be shared, it will affect the finances and proper functioning of the company. Asides that, crisis might set in as to who takes the larger share of the company.
This among others are the effect divorce has on family business. Follow us for more relevant updates on business.