Financial management in families is another factor that can break up families. During pre-marital counseling, couples should be advised to sit down and objectively take decision on things such as finance, career, objectives of the family, religion, treatment of in-laws, etc.
Postponing decisions on these things is not in the best interest of the couple. Things may not work out as easily as people think. In the question of finance, since the couples are one, they should jointly manage their finances.
Most men do not want their wives to know how much money they earn. They feel it is not her business to know his salary. This view is completely faulty for several reasons stated below:
- If the wife does not know how much a husband’s earning power is, she is most likely to demand things that are above the husband’s salary. No sane wife would like to demand for purchases above her husband’s salary if she is aware of how much her husband earns.
- In case of the husband’s death, it will be difficult to prove that the poor wife knows nothing about her husband’s finances. A wife should know how much and from who a husband borrows money and to who he lends money. Many women have suffered untold poverty because their late husbands lent a huge sum of money to others without his wife’s knowledge. If the person who was lent money dishonest (and infant many are, even the religious), he may deny or not even mention it to late man’s wife.
I advocate that a man and his wife if truly married should jointly manage their resources. If not, the moment the husband dies, it may take a very long time to satisfy the court and bank before any money is further withdrawn. Sometimes, the late husband’s money may get lost. Both the bank the court may make it impossible for the late man’s wife or children to reclaim that money. That means that late man’s children will start to suffer, even when they have enough money the bank. However, if the account is jointly operated by both husband wife, at the death of the man, the woman can comfortably operate the account.
There are arguments against this. One is that some wives are untrustworthy. They may secretly withdraw money from the bank private or parents use. Another argument is that some wives are extravagant. they have access joint bank account will purchase jewelries clothes without control. These arguments are true, but such are no wives, they are mercenaries interest of the family at heart. However, both husband and wife may agree that the wife may not certain amount of money one month so. It is also possible to agree that the wife makes all. However, this not the best. their own arguments against the joint account
Some women also want to control their own finances especially their salaries. The man should control all finances with his wife. There are many men who do not temper with their wives’ salary; in fact they do not care to know what she does with her salary.
Money in all aspect controls all facets of man’s activities on earth. A lot of financial houses have been established to help man in managing his money effectively to yield him dividends/interest, especially for those in the world. Money has been a great task to tackle in most homes. Establishing this fact, Nwoye (1991) stated that family is a crucial area of marriage and family life, some special efforts were needed to assist newly married couples to adjust. He further added that the vital commodity called money was one of those essential ingredients of family growth and development which usually was not acquired in any sufficient satisfactory amount by any family or persons in the world. Thus, the need for counselling every couple and all potential couples against poor management of their finances.
The crux of the problem of today’s couples is that of effective management of family finances efficiently. Supporting this, Makinde, (2004) remarked that there were more than enough evidence in many families. These days, both the man and the woman are business oriented. Sometime, only one party is gainfully employed while the other is not employed. Some of them who are gainfully employed and well-paid may still seek for additional paid job.
Nwoye (1991) indicated that the income varies because of the different types of each business and in the world of today where some are not sure of their work or a situation where both are blessed. He further added that, there was confusion among couples about who should handle big family project as well as the routine running of the discretionary expenses of the family. Shirley (2005) remarked, “When asked if couples argue over money, ‘usually’ one is a spender and the other is a saver’ she added, “money is a symbol of power in a relationship”. She further said if couples found themselves in frequent fights over money, they need to determine whether the argument is really about a purchase or about who is going to control finances. From the above submission, it implies, that money in its position, is one of the essential ingredients of family growth and development which usually is not acquired in any sufficient satisfactory amount by any couple any where in the world.
The issue of family financial management needs adequate planning by the couples. Lack of adequate planning and budgeting of family money may result into serious quarrels between husbands and wives. In most cases, it has often led to separations. Makinde, (2004). Husbands might be accusing their wives of using their house keeping money on themselves and their extended families. The problems with them could be that they lack the knowledge of planning, budgeting and purchasing in other to save money and also keeping within a reasonable budgeting expenditure.
The problem caused by finance could be minimized if:
- The husband and wife do not hid their financial positions, salary or any sort of income, from each other.
- Both should operate a common bank account with some restrictions (if possible)
- Both should avoid entering into any secret financial dealing (like borrowing and lending) without reference to the other.
- Both husband and wife should make a proper budget of income and expenditure for the family every month, quarter, half year or year.
There are men who do nothing else than spend their money on drinking, smoking and on other women, while their wives and children are languishing at home. Some men are ‘experts’ in pool betting expecting to win next week, but never win any day.
Lack of Communication
Communication means the exchange of information, news, ideas, conveyance of feelings. Some homes have been thrown into instability ensure other person understands what do. The husband should assume that wife should know or knows to without first of letting know what expected of her. The marriage life involves several emotional feelings joy and sadness, satisfaction and non-satisfactions comfort and discomfort, love, hatred etc. husband wife should discuss frankly with each other without pretence. There times when silence golden. are times when conversation discussion brings clearer view understanding actions. Lack of communications is a great road block to happy marriage. Some of the husband’s good intentions may be misunderstood or interpreted by his wife vice versa.
Good communication of ideas and thoughts is indispensable marriage The husband and wife should engage allow free flow of information to avoid being misunderstood. They should each avoid reactions and statements intimidate other. Careless statements regret marrying you” if had have married the man/woman” or “No wonder I was warned marry you” avoided and never be mentioned. Good communication can be strengthened by bathing together, together, together, reading the Bible together, having and recreation together, etc.
There are people who are opposed to husband and wife bathing together. They wonder how a spouse will see the partners body. They will either feel or be ashamed of the other. However, there are very many advantages of bathing together. The husband can rub or scrub his wife’s back and the scrub her husband’s back. If there is skin disease on the back the body of the partners, it will be immediately discovered and handled appropriately. There are some men and women who go about with skin diseases like eczema behind their ear lobes, their arms, and necks, etc. We wonder if such men have wives and if such wives have husbands. It is the responsibility of the wife to inspect her husband’s body in broad daylight to detect any skin disease on his body and also the wife’s body in broad daylight to detect the presence of skin disease on the body.
While both husband and wife are having their bath provides opportunity to chat, laugh and discuss issues together. As last word on this matter of communication: Effective communication demands sincerity, honesty and truth between the husband and wife always and in all things.
Poor Treatment of In-laws
No matter how couple love themselves, each must not make derogatory statements about the partners relations. In most cases, women quarrels with, and rain abusive word on their husbands’ parents relations. No man would tolerate that, no matter the reasons. Or the husband may order his wife’s mother out his house. No woman would tolerate this. So, on account must a husband say uncomplimentary things about his wife’s parents, brothers or loved ones. If the wife does that, she is signing her own divorce certificate. If those concerned hear it or if it gets to their knowledge, they will make life difficult her. We hear of women who maltreat or even fight their husband’s mother. Women should make every endeavour to avoid this because it brings disunity.
If a husband/wife makes uncomplimentary remarks about his/her spouses people and both of them are in agreement, time will come whether the wife/husband will refer it to and use it as a case against her husband/his wife. “She was afraid not afraid to abuse my mother even in my presence”. Poor treatment of in-laws can bring instability to a family.